Guardian - Clarke withheld deportation facts from Blair: The home secretary took more than three weeks to tell the prime minister that serious offenders were among the foreign convicts released without facing deportation, it emerged today. A Home Office spokeswoman said the delays - revealed by the Times - occurred while the Home Office was "working hard to clarify the situation". "The prime minister was told as soon as the full extent of the problem was known," she said.

Clarke: ... eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve... and... Hm. The guard's van appears to be missing.

Blair: What exactly are you doing, Charles?

Clarke: I'm trying to gauge the full extent of the train that's headed right for y..

[SFX: There is an almighty crash]

Clarke: Oh, I'm *dreadfully* sorry, Prime Minister.